If you work on cars at all..even if you are a rank amateur/beginner/shade-tree/first-timer, you always start with the simplest things. The “remove and replace” as we say.
It starts with the airfilter/oil filter, moves on to maybe the filter in the automatic trans. Then you get a little more serious, radiator, water pumps, brakes and something that everyone does, shock absorbers.
For you younger guys that were all brought up on struts, most cars used to use shock absorbers and this was one of the first “big” jobs you did. Big, not that it was difficult but the car, or at least a corner of it, had to come off the ground and you had to get under it.
One of the first things we did back in the day was to add air shocks to the rear, to jack up the car. You had to have the right rake even if the car barely moved and it was an absolute pre-requisite for the addition of Cragar mags! (They’re still around, so watch your mouth!)
Anyway, as you get older and hopefully better, you realize that swapping out shocks is considered general maintenance and truth be told, are very simple to do…at least that’s what you’d think.
Another beautiful garage-therapy day. Steve and I have a list of tasks to perform and we are enjoying our morning. A couple of “lube jobs” and we are having a break when I mention if he has time to help me swap the shocks on my Impala. “Sure..we’re here and it shouldn’t take too long.” Famous last words.
My 1996 Impala SS is one of the last full-size RWD cars Chevy made. These things were basically the same from 1989 to 1996 and really, the running gear arrangement is the same from about 1982 through 1996. If you’ve done this job on any similar car, this is a no-brainer.
Wisely, I went ahead and purchased the front shock removal tool since the A-arm on the Impala has a pretty deep top opening. For those well aware of this tool, bear with me. The front shock tool is a two-piece metal arrangement wherein a socket grips the nut that holds the shock on and the inner sleeve of this tool had a specially-shaped end to hold the top shaft of the shock from spinning. It’s hexagonal so you can use two open-end wrenches and take the top nut right off.
I purchased (or re-purchased I should say, because I know I have one but just couldn’t find it) this tool, in advance so we would make quick work of the job. And it worked perfectly and the front shocks were out and replaced, both sides, in about 20-25 minutes.
The rear shocks don’t require any special tools and are simple, 2 bolts top and 1 bottom. Or so I thought.
After realizing that I could not use my Kwik-Lift, we moved to the outside parking pad and jacked her up. I got out the old creeper (doesn’t that funny now..a creeper?..ok, maybe that’s me…ignore) and went under the car. The lower bolts came loose on both sides without issue.
Ok…before I go further..let me admit another geekness about me. I read directions and I follow them. Also, and here’s the killer, when I bought the Impala, I actually went to the back of the manual and ordered the service manual for the car…the same one the service stations and dealer shops use.
Back under the car, steve hands me my rachet extension and I start loosening the upper bolts for the rear shock. Turning, turning, turning, …nothing. So I try the other one..again…turning, turning, turning…nertz.
Ok…never one to pass an opportunity…Steve slides under and he goes at it. 10 minutes later, same result. “Well that’s odd!” we both say out loud, not really to each other or anyone else. “Beer break?” I ask and he agrees. I get two beers out and say, “let me check the book.”
Moving to the workbench I have the page opened to the rear shock section and it says “Remove top bolts from shock, remove shock, place new shock, replace bolts.” At this point, I’m assuming that what I have seen in the past is true. That the top of the rear shock bolts into a chunk of steel that is welded to the frame and that this piece of steel is about 1/4 or 3/8 thick and the hole is threaded. Now I’ve seen in a ton of pictures of restored frames and for the life of me, the only other thing I’ve seen is when the nut is welded in place.
So for me, I’m assuming that either the plate holes are threaded for the bolts or there is a welded-on-nuts on the other side. We try both sides of the car and the same thing happens.
“Maybe there’s a nut up there?” Steve says. With flashlight in hand I respond “Well how the hell do they expect you to get to it…there’s only about 3/4 of an inch between the plate and the steel body of the car!”
Steve, ever calm, “Let’s check the book.” Out I go and the two of us, take turns reading the section again, out loud, to each other. I find the diagram..and again, we stare at it, like we are seeking the secret code to interpreting hieroglypics. “It doesn’t say jack squat about there being a nut up there.”
We scratch our heads and take another beer break. We’ve been at a job that we allotted an hour for, including beer breaks, now for about 90 minutes.
We jacked the back end up higher and the body shifted enough that I could get my hand in between the body and the top of the mounting plate. “you’re not going to believe this, but there’s a nut up here..and its not welded to the mount.”
Now we have to figure out how to get a wrench on it and work at this extreme angle. Which we do, after much swearing and foul language. Interestingly enough, we have to swap sides with each other. I’m a lefty and he’s a righty so at the obscene angles we were working at, we had to each do our strong side.
The new shocks go on and if you think it was a freakin’ bear to get that nut threaded onto the bolts, you don’t know the half of it. “How the hell could GM do that to this car??? Tony, these things were used as police models..they had to be maintained quickly…this is just ridiculous!”
“Dahlwinnie, Steve??” “Hell yeah!”
So, the shocks are on and those ^*$#+$^)# nuts are tightened and the car is back on its wheels.
Two scotches later, we both still looked at the manual and it didn’t say anything about there being nuts on the tops of the mounting plates.
Just for kicks and giggles, I thumbed through my Haynes manual…it didn’t say anything about them either.
For any children that may have been in the area (about a 2 mile radius): sorry about the foul language!
